have been login in and out a few times before deciding that i should write all these down.
I have graduated for more than six months. These past six months are filled with mixed feelings. At one point, i see lights in my career and at one point i see it going down. At one point, i see myself falling for someone for one time. At one point, i see a breaking hope.
I begin my career with a job that I have never expected that i would do. None of my friends have thought about it too. In the midst of confusion and exploration, i see sense of belonging and achievements started to form a part of me. I learned lots of new knowledge and I've met lots of talented people which made me feel appreciated that I could be part of their team. But at one point, i could sense, a part of me is slowly fading away.
I begin to know how to convince myself when I met you. None of my past relationship has made me like this. My friends told me that it was an unhealthy relationship but they didnt know how much you meant to me. I have dreamed having happy times with you. I have made excuses just to have moments with you. I have been stubborn, just to have your attention. But at one point, i know, a part of me has learned that im just trying to prove something. I didnt do as much as i have thought that i have done for you. Love is not about winning or belonging.
Because telling your true feelings can be difficult but having to admit your feelings can be so much more. And i chose this way to tell you. If fate let it be, you will see it. If not, maybe time will tell us why.
